What to Watch: Monday, March 22

The queens get personal this week on RuPaul's Drag Race, GREEK's Calvin and Grant can't figure out what shenanigans to get into for spring break, and Marshall is an outcast on the season premiere of The United States of Tara. Monday, March 22 8:00 pm How I Met Your Mother, CBS (30 min) NEW Ted brings a date to Lily’s celebration dinner, although Lily isn’t too thrilled. Features out actor, Neil Patrick Harris.

Reno 911's Niecy Nash pairs up with gay dancer Louis Von Amstel on Dancing with the Stars

8:00 pm Dancing with the Stars, ABC (2 hrs) SEASON PREMIERE This season features one of the biggest star-studded casts yet! Don’t miss the two-hour premiere where contestants like Pam Anderson, Kate Gosselin, and Reno 911’s Niecy Nash who pairs up with gay dancer Louis Von Amstel. Openly gay choreographer Bruno Toniolo judges. 8:00 pm The Secret Life of the American Teenager, ABC Family (1 hr) SEASON FINALE Will Adrian come clean with her secret? John celebrates his first birthday. 9:00 pm 24, Fox (1 hr) NEW The NSA intervenes in CTU’s operations, and Jack guides some fieild agents into a tricky mission. Also, Chloe and Dana make big contributions. Features out actress Cherry Jones as President Taylor. 9:00 pm Gossip Girl, The CW (1 hr) NEW Dan and Vanessa try something new, and Rufus is in on Lily’s secret. Also, Chuck makes a tough decision, and Damien wants to have sex with Jenny. Features Serena's gay brother, Eric. 9:00  pm RuPaul’s Drag Race, Logo (1 hr) NEW The ladies try their luck at being cover girls for their very own biographies and try to work the press junket circuit. Guests include E!’s Mark Malkin, best selling authors Jackie Collins and Gigi Lavangie Grazer, and Jeffrey Moran from Absolut Vodka. 9:00 pm Trauma, NBC (1 hr) NEW Boone and openly gay EMT Tyler ponder about their futures, while Rabbit recounts a traumatic event. Also, when Nancy and Diana disagree, a patient suffers. 10:00 pm GREEK, ABC Family (1 hr) NEW Cute couple Calvin and Grant can’t agree over what to do for their spring break, while Rusty discovers that Cappie and Evan have rekindled their friendship. Also, ZBZ plans a beauty pageant while the frat houses have a golf tournament. 10:00 pm Kell on Earth, Bravo (1 hr) NEW Kelly rents out some of her office space to save some money, while the team loses some fighting spirit. As a result, Kelly hires some new blood to lessen the crunching work load on the team, which includes gay assistant, Andrew.

Trans beauty experts Jamie, Laverne and Nina take on a heartbroken Latina this week on TRANSform Me

10:00 pm Nurse Jackie, Showtime (30 min) SEASON PREMIERE The nurse is in! Jackie tries a  new commitment with Kevin. Meanwhile Coop files a formal complaint against Jackie and a narcotics shortage is discovered. All of this combined with Eddie’s overdose puts Jackie on the verge of a breakdown! Features gay nurse, Thor. 10:30 pm TRANSform Me, VH1 (30 min) NEW Don't miss this groundbreaking makeover show that features trans hotties Laverne, Jamie, and Nina as they use their experience transitioning in order to makeover a Latina who was dumped on Valentine’s Day. 10:30 pm The United States of Tara, Showtime (30 min) SEASON PREMIERE The season opens with Tara’s gay teen son Marshall having some difficulty fitting in at school, while a dissociation-free Tara thinks she’s finally stable enough for some new friends. Will the suicide of a neighbor bring one of her personalities out to play?