Naming the new, decidedly anti-gay Scouts

When the group that is working to create an explicitly anti-gay version of the Boy Scouts unveils its new moniker, I'm fairly convinced the name will be either "American Heritage Boys" or "American Heritage Scouts."  After all, this so-called "On My Honor" coalition has announced that it is officially partnering with American Heritage Girls, the anti-LGBT answer to the Girl Scouts, so it only would make sense for the anti-LGBT answer to the Boy Scouts to stick with that same branding.

However, we won't officially find out the name and logo until tonight's gala event featuring keynote speaker Mike Huckabee, so in the meantime, let's think of some other possibilities.  For instance, they could go with:

"The Discrimi-scouts"

It's got a certain ring to it.  Snappy.  Like a band of super heroes.  Plus, considering the penchant for gay discrimination is the very reason for this new organization's existence, it seems fitting for them to acknowledge the discrimination right in the name.

But for other options, there's also:

"Hiking and Heterosexism"

Presumably this new organization is going to value aerobic activity.  Why not also incorporate what we know is also going to be front and center: its belief that heterosexuals are superior in every way?  This name would help make that clear.

Or if they want to play up religion and machismo, they could select:

"God's Manly Men"

This would reflect their seeming belief that only certain kinds of boys of certain kinds of belief systems are fit for the sort of rugged camaraderie that has long defined scouting.

Or what about:

"Tying Knots—but not *that* knot!"

This sassy little name could reference the longheld scouting activity of tying ropes into knots, while also incoporating the organization's staunch views against gay people tying the knot.  After all, the man who is heading up this whole effort, John Stemberger, led the charge to put a marriage ban into the state of Florida's constitution.  It would only make sense to include this part of his legacy.

But then again, this one is wordy and probably better as a tag line rather than as a main name.  Maybe they'd prefer to kep it simply and go with something like:

"The NoMo Homos

Because again, this organization only exists because of the Boy Scouts' decision to allow openly gay scouts.  Period.  Full Stop.  If not for the existence and inclusion of minors who happen to have been born gay, this coalition would not be going to such costly lengths to launch a whole new enterprise.  This is one of the most glaringly anti-gay launch efforts in recent memory—why not have a name that directly reflects the exclusion?

 

Again, we will find out the name tonight.  Will any of these make the cut?  Stay tuned!

In the meantime, learn more about the man behind the entire production: Who is John Stemberger and what's really driving his Boy Scouts crusade?

 

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As a Major League Baseball umpire for the past 29 seasons, Dale Scott has worked three World Series, three All-Star Games, two no-hitters and numerous playoff games. He is also the first out active male official in the MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL, and the first Major League Baseball umpire to publicly say he is gay while active.